Battle City No More
by Double M
Summary: Funny and porny (barely) Fanfic, read and review!
1. Gun Monsters

Joey was battling Weevil, and he had the Perfectly Ultimate Moth out. Life points were Joey: 500, Weevil: 2400. Joey placed down Time Wizard.  
  
Joey: Bring it on, son of a bitch! Time Wizard, Time roulette, GO!  
  
Intercom: Testing, testing! Attention all duelists! Dueling has been forbidden in Battle City. Notifications will be posted when the time is right to duel again. Thank you! This Mokuba Kaiba, your commissioner, and this is Seto Kaiba, assholes! You better not duel again!  
  
Joey (sobbing): I was about to win with the Time Wizard that would have destroyed the Perfectly Ultimate Moth off his feet. Then, my Jinzo could have attacked his life points directly! Boo-hoo-hoo!  
  
Mokuba (in person): Stop dueling! Joey, lets bring you to Domino City Jail for this honor! Ta ta!  
  
Espa Roba: I am lucky you beat me! I don't want to go to jail!  
  
Rex Raptor: What do we play now?  
  
Mokuba: We play Gun Monsters!!!  
  
Rex Raptor: What the hell is that gay game you McFucker!!!  
  
Mokuba: Everybody gets a gun that shoots out monsters; it's a complicated game, so come to a meeting at KaibaCorp tonight for a special class.  
  
Weevil: Ain't no way I'm going to make my way to that shitass place of the son of a bitch ceremony for jackasses.  
  
Mokuba: You wanna fight?! You wanna fight?  
  
Yugi: Bring it on Mokuba, with the Heart of the Cards, we can beat you!  
  
Mokuba: Round 1, go!  
  
Joey: Okay, break it up you bunch of shitass bitch fools that came out of a volacano in Egypt.  
  
Tristen: What the hell's up, Joey?!  
  
Joey: Hey, you sly dog!  
  
Joey: Me, a sly dog?! How sexy! Come here!  
  
Tristen: (Hugs Joey and makes humping noises)  
  
(5 hours later)  
  
Rex Raptor: We're here for the damn ceremony of truth, well, where is it? (Looks at the map and sees a billion stories and rooms in KaibaCorp)  
  
Weevil: Hey Joey, still wanna finish up that duel?  
  
Mokuba: (Pops out behind a indoor bush) Not so fast, I saw that! Joey, by the time this is over, your going to be cited a trillion fuckin times.  
  
Joey: Oh, Mokuba, I didn't know you learned the F-word, and what grade are you in?  
  
Mokuba: I'm in middle school bastard!  
  
Joey: Geez, you jacked up son of a bitch Mokuba, remember on the Duelist Kingdom Tournament, you were an innocent boy, well now you're a jackass!  
  
Mokuba: Takes one to know one!  
  
Joey: Bitch!  
  
Mokuba: Bullfucker!  
  
Joey: Osama Bin Laden!  
  
Mokuba: That's it! Your asking for some Hawaiian punch and a Knuckle sandwich for dinner! And while your at it, go have some sex on the wall. (Makes some humping noises to get Joey pissed at him) Uh! Uh! Bring it on baby!  
  
(Bell rings)  
  
Mokuba: Recess!  
  
Joey: No, you asshole! It's time for the meeting you horny porn!  
  
(Kaiba invites them in)  
  
Kaiba: I saw you on my security camera network, and I heard and saw with my six senses of about what you did to my brother.  
  
Joey: The human body only has five senses you bastard! Except in the Six Sense movie, it was great!  
  
Kaiba: Jackass! You're getting off topic, my Blue Eyes sensed you too, by smelling! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!  
  
(Ceremony starts)  
  
To be continued.  
  
Stay tuned for the next chapter. 


	2. The Messed Up Meeting

Continued.  
  
Kaiba: Welcome to the meeting for the new dueling system. Today you will turn in your dueling disks. In place, you will have the monster gun. New rules will be listed on this board, read it now. The whole city is in here, so everyone will know the new rules, now explaining to do.  
  
Yugi: These rules are bullshit Kaiba!  
  
Kaiba: (Nods his head) Yugi, Yugi, Yugi, you have much to learn.  
  
Yugi: McFagget!  
  
Kaiba: Osama Shit Laden!  
  
Yugi: Go have some sex on the wall!  
  
Joey: Can I join?  
  
Tristen: Keep out of this okay Joey!  
  
Joey: Why are you always watching my back?! ( Takes a jab at Tristen's nice firm ass)  
  
Tristen: What the hell's your problem?!  
  
Joey: (Takes another jab but hits his belt)  
  
Tristen: (Pants fall down) Damn! You revealed the secret that I wear long johns and widy tidies.  
  
Joey: Serves you right!  
  
Kaiba: Okay, you faggets, scram!  
  
Everyone: Okay, okay, okay, geez Kaiba, enough with the gibberish and balderdash!  
  
Kaiba: Say that to my ass! The office is up my ass and around the corner!  
  
Yami Yugi: Oh, let me have a look, oh, let me have a look!!!  
  
Yugi: Oh, Yami, you have a lot to learn.  
  
Yami: You son of a bitch, you're suppose to be on my side!  
  
Yugi: Not anymore, I'm parting with you!  
  
Bakura: What the fuck is going on?!  
  
Marik: Yeah, what the hell is going on?!  
  
Yugi: Nothing much.  
  
(Everyone trudges outside KaibaCorp to the bus stop)  
  
Mai runs across the street butt-naked and gets run over by the daily bus.  
  
Bus: (Hump, hump, hump, hump, hump)  
  
Mai: That was some nice sex! My boobs popped! (Dies)  
  
Yugi: Oh, this is now officially the humparoo bus!  
  
Yami: Cooooooooooooleo!  
  
Joey: Let's board the bus now.  
  
Tristen: Don't be gay!  
  
Joey: I didn't do anything!  
  
Tristen: You tried to be like the captain of the bus. (Imitates Joey: Let's board the bus now.)  
  
Joey: You're a fuckin gaylord you know.  
  
Tisten: Takes one to know one.  
  
Joey: Why don't you look at the mirror, what you see is what you say.  
  
Tristen: Don't be gay.  
  
(Everyone sits down on a bus seat without paying the bus fare, no one sits together)  
  
Bus Driver: Hey, you didn't pay the bus fare!  
  
Yugi: I don't give a damn about money!  
  
Bus Driver: (Stands up) I know, cool, liberty has struck me, you don't have to pay.  
  
(Bus malfunctions)  
  
Yami: You asshole bullfucker, now look, the bus has gone mad!!! Everyone: (Screams and opens all windows and leap out the window like Mission Impossible, Minority Report, and Rush Hour)  
  
Somewhere in China, father says to daughter: Japan is very friendly place.  
  
Somewhere in Japan, Bus Driver: (Steers like mad) Get the hell out of my way!  
  
(Bus crashes into a building and blows up, Bus Driver dies)  
  
To be continued.  
  
Stay tuned for the next chapter, funny, eh? 


	3. When the Things Go Wrong

Continued.  
  
(Smoke clears)  
  
Yugi: (Coughing) Yami, you bitch, has it ever occurred you not to jump out of a window and do a belly-flop on me?! You fat ass penis!  
  
Yami: Hey, you're on my side you jackass!  
  
Joey: (Hugs them both) Break it up. Break it up. We all know you love each other and I love a wall.  
  
Yami: Keep out of this sexerdodo!  
  
Yugi: Yeah, obliterate that son of humperoo bus!  
  
Tristen: (Jumps in the way in a last second sprint) Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!  
  
Yami: Serves him right, now Joey, you're up next. Welcome! Welcome! Welcome to the We All Kill Joey Show on Channel 5 at 3:00 A.M. Joey, are guest will be killed by our host, Bakura!  
  
Crowd: (Applauds and stands up in recognition)  
  
Bakura: (Takes out scythe and hums the funeral march) Duh! Duh! Duh! Duh! Duh! Duh! Duna! Duh! (Chops his head off) Oops, I did it again! (Brittany Spears song) Oopsy daisy, my bad! You son of fuckin jackoroni!  
  
CEO of Soccer: (Took Joey's head and puts it in the World Cup Soccer Championship)  
  
Announcer: Welcome to today's game. Oh no! There's Valdez, he's going for it! (Whamo!) It's in the net! Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll! Valdez takes off his shirt and runs like a crazy shit head! Brazil! Takes the cup and USA can kiss their ass!  
  
Joey: (Bloody nose and lines on his face)  
  
CEO of Baseball: Ooh, ooh, let me borrow it! (World Series Championship) (Whamo!)  
  
Announcer: It's going way back, way back, and it doesn't look like it's coming back! Barry Bonds with his trusty bat hits his 700th homerun!  
  
Kaiba: Joey is disqualified because we don't know where he went, but witnesses have said that he died on the We All Kill Joey Show. Please return to KaibaCorps for your new Monster Guns, if not, you cannot play anymore! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!  
  
Tristen: Where's Joey?! Oh, he died! (Jumps off a cliff to suicide!) If Joey's not alive, I'm not alive either!  
  
Tea: What's going on (as she walks across the street butt naked) (History will repeat itself if not chosen right destiny) The daily bus runs her over. (Hump, hump, hump, hump, hump)  
  
Bus: (Meanwhile in the bus, the radio plays) I feel good! Nananananana! I feel good! Nananananana! I feel good! Nananana! I feel good.  
  
Tea: (Pop, pop) Ah, that was good sex (Dies on the spot next to Mai's carcass.  
  
Yugi: (Walks over) Finally, she was getting annoying, it's nice to get her ass out of the story for a change.  
  
Yami: (Takes a jab at Yugi's nice spongy ass and Yami flies back a million miles)  
  
Yugi: Youch! You bastard! I'm parting from you! (Chucks his puzzle at Yami's head, but it goes straight up and hits Yugi's head and breaks into pieces not even God good put it back together.  
  
Yami: Nice throw jackass! Now, look, you son of a bitch! Clean it up!  
  
Yugi: I'm not your slave bitcheroni!  
  
Bakura: Any people's heads I can chop off and donate to the sports games that are coming up? I heard lacrosse sounded good this year and possibly basketball.  
  
Pegasus: Ooh, ooh let me do it (sexy and gay voice) I'll lock him up in a room full of cute pink disgraceful rabbits, ooh how beautiful!  
  
Bakura: Oh know! It's Pegasus! (Takes the scythe and hums the march and chops his head off and blows his scythe) This will do well in Lacrosse.  
  
Announcer of Lacrosse: Whoa! Jackson's going for 1 with a pass, and. Goooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllll llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!  
  
Announcer of Basketball: Bryant's going for three! Bonk! Oh no, Pegasus's head is too gay and sexy to go in and his hair is tangled in the net. After the game, wash your hands; the funny bunny virus may infect them! To be continued. Funny, eh? Next chapter coming soon to a Fanfiction.net near you! 


	4. Gun Monsters With A Girl In It

Continued.  
  
Kaiba: Here are your fuckin guns. I don't think you should be in the tournament. Hmmm, you, you, you, with two heads that are green and purple, get the hell out of here!  
  
Yugi: They're only my friends. Come here Zak and Weasy. (Humping noises)  
  
Yami: Get your dick out of their ass!  
  
Yugi: It's for massaging!  
  
Yami: That does it! A duel!  
  
Yugi: Five more minutes please.  
  
Yami: You cannot delay a challenge; it's against the rules.  
  
Yugi: Okay, okay, okay.  
  
Both: Let's duel (4000, 4000)  
  
Yugi: (Sees Zak and Weasy running away) After them! (Chases after them saying) Get over here! We're not done with our threesome!  
  
Yami: Duel or be gone. Oh, first Joey, then Yugi, what could be worse?! (Chases after Yugi)  
  
Kaiba: Get back here sexerdoodos! Are you going to duel of hump a couple of green and purple dragons?  
  
Yugi: You want a piece of Yugi?!  
  
Kaiba: Yes, indeed. Then, let's duel.  
  
Yugi: The card in my hand is like no other, it makes you have sex with my card which I get to choose, it's called "Master Bed" and the card humps you and you lose half your life points. I choose the sexiest, Dark Magician Girl!  
  
Kaiba: Oh no! It's over, there's no way out! Ah! Easy there! (Blanket) Ooh, ahhhhhh, uh, uh, uh, uh, bring it on!  
  
Dark Magician Girl: Ooh, I got a lucky one today, ooohoooooohhhh, uh, uh, oh yeah.  
  
Yugi: It's not over yet, Multipylier, increasing the number of Dark Magician Girls on the bed, twice the many as boobs! Choose the right one!  
  
Kaiba: It's all over, I'm trapped.  
  
Yugi: Dark Magician Girls, jump on him! (Mokuba enters the scene)  
  
Mokuba: Brother, what are you doing!  
  
Kaiba: (striping) Stay out of this! Oooooh, easy now! Ah, that feels better!  
  
Mokuba: Let me join! Oooooooooooh, aaaaaaahhhhhhh, relaxing.  
  
Kaiba: There's so many, I guess you can have one.  
  
Mokuba: Ahhhhhhhhhhh, this is better than sex machinery.  
  
Kaiba: No, get out of here, these are all mine!  
  
Yugi: It's all over Kaiba!  
  
Kaiba: Ahhhhhh, but it was worth it. Can I stay in longer, best duel I ever had!  
  
Porny eh?! Hoped you like it. 


End file.
